BABY SITTING

AM I OUT OF MY MIND?  REBA WAS IN TOWN FOR A ONE NIGHT OUTDOOR CONCERT.  I OFFERED TO BABY SIT, IF AMY AND DANIEL COULD SCORE TICKETS AND WANTED TO ATTEND (I FIGURED, TOO EXSPENSIVE OR SOLD OUT).

DAMN, IF DANIEL DIDN’T GET TICKETS IN ROW NUMBER 11, FRONT AND CENTER. I HAD TO MAKE GOOD ON MY OFFER TO BABY SIT, AND MARY HAD TO WORK AT THE CASINO.

I HAD A PLAN, THE FIVE MILE HIKE, AND A COUPLE HOURS OF POOL TIME SHOULD HAVE THOSE BOYS SACKED OUT 10 MINUTES AFTER THEIR PARENTS LEAVE, RIGHT?

NOPE.

IT WAS PAYBACK TIME, DE JA VU ….

I GREW UP IN A FAMILY OF THREE BOYS, AND TODAY IS JUST LIKE THE DAYS OF BOBBY, NORMY, AND NEIL.  THEY SCREAMED, FOUGHT, JUMPED ON THE BED, RAIDED THE COOLERS, AND CARRIED ON ……. WELL, JUST LIKE BOBBY, NORMY, AND NEIL AT AGES 9 – 6 – 3.  PAY BACKS ARE HELL!

ONE QUICK STORY, AND I’LL LET YOU GO ON TO CHECK YOUR E-MAIL.  AT ONE POINT I STEPPED INTO THE BATHROOM, WHICH IS LOCATED RIGHT NEXT TO THE DOOR OF THE HOTEL ROOM TO BLOW MY NOSE,  I DIDN’T EVEN CLOSE THE DOOR.  WHEN I TURNED AROUND TO THE HOTEL ROOM ALL THREE BOYS WERE MISSING, AND NOT A SOUND WAS TO BE HEARD?

MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR, HOW COULD THEY ESCAPE WHEN I WAS STANDING AT THE ONLY DOOR TO THE ROOM? I WAS FRANTIC !!! AH AIM, THANKS FOR VISITING, AND I’M SORRY I LOST ALL THREE OF YOUR CHILDREN……

THEY WERE ALL LINED UP ON THE WINDOWSILL, BEHIND THE BLACKOUT CURTAINS. GOOD GRIEF……

NO MORE BABY SITTING

BOAT RIDE, ARCADE, IRISHFEST

DAY ONE OF OUR “SPRING BREAK” STARTED WITH A BOAT RIDE UP AND DOWN THE COLORADO RIVER ALONG THE CASINOS.  OUR RIVERBOAT CAPTAIN HAD YOUNGSTERS OF HIS OWN AND WAS GREAT WITH THE BOYS.

AFTER THE BOAT RIDE IT WAS A BORING HIKE THROUGH THE OLD CAR MUSEUM, AND THEN ON TO THE GOOD STUFF….

THE ARCADE!!!

CHECKOUT JOEY CHECKING OUT JOEY IN THE MIRROR.

 

AFTER SCRAMBLING THRU $20 WORTH OF QUARTERS, IT WAS TIME TO CASH IN OUR 500 PRIZE TICKETS.  WHOOPIE CUSHIONS AND POPPERS ALL AROUND. LITTLE BOYS AND WOOPIE CUSHIONS, IMAGINE THE FUN, FARTS, AND STRANGE LOOKS WE GOT THE REST OF THE DAY?

ON TO IRISHFEST FOR LUNCH. OUTDOORS ALONG THE RIVERWALK WERE SEVERAL IRISH FOOD VENDORS AND AN ALL GIRL IRISH BAND ENTERTAINED. WE ENJOYED LUNCH, INCLUDING SAUSAGES, CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE, SHEPARDS PIE, AND REUBEN SANDWICHES  (AND OF COURSE PLENTY OF FARTING, WITH THE WOOPIE CUSHIONS).

 

FROM LUNCH TO THE SWIMMING POOL, AND AT LEAST FIVE MILES OF WALKING.

“SUNNY & 80”

SPRING BREAK 2011

I THOUGHT AFTER THE AGE OF 60 MY “SPRING BREAK” DAYS WERE ALL OVER.   WRONG!  MY GRANDSONS SHOWED UP IN LAUGHLIN FOR THEIR SPRING BREAK!!

THESE BOYS HAVE SPENT THE LAST SEVERAL YEARS CELEBRATING SPRING BREAK AT DISNEY WORLD IN ORLANDO, SO I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT HOW TO ENTERTAIN THESE BOYS, AT AGES 3 – 5 – 7.  

BASICALLY IN LAUGHLIN WE DRINK, SMOKE, AND GAMBLE WITH BOTH HANDS FOR ENTERTAINMENT.  AMY SAID RIGHT OFF, THAT THE SMOKING THING WAS ABSOLUTELY RULED OUT !!! 

AS SOON AS I GET CAUGHT UP ON MY SLEEP I’LL BLOG ABOUT THE THREE DAY MARATHON…….

 “SUNNY & 80”

Jake’s Hand

By Uncle Hans

So I get this call from Jake.  "Dad, I got my hand caught between the hitch and the bumper and I need your help" 
      The white thing in the depths of the wound is not the bone, it is the extensor tendon, which is still bad...........

........this is what it looked like after placement on one stitch.  That was all that was needed............

.......this is a few days later............

.........a few more days later..........

............and today, about two months later. 

      The sad thing is that if Jake had taken that to an emergency room (in a big city) the would have been hooked up with a hand surgery specialist, a trip to the operating room, and a bill for $15,000.00.

 
     All for one stitch.  Because everyone is afraid of hand injuries and lawsuits.  General surgeons like me won't tackle them.  Orthopedic surgeons, who should see them, generally won't.  They get shunted to the super-specialist "hand surgeons" who can better defend themselves in court because of their training and experience.

  It all adds tremendous cost to health care...........

By Uncle Hans

My Last Trip To Costco

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.