Thursday, March 10, 2011

My Last Trip To Costco

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.


I.M. Vayne said...

Ya had me a goin' there for a while, but when ya throwed in that last line bout Costco not lettin' ya shop there no more, I was puzzled, as ya left out the why.

If'n ya lost yer card in the accident theyll give ya a new one ya know. Ya really otter ask fer one cause you ain't a gonna get yer diet food cheeper nowheres else.

saucersrus said...

Great story!! I'm a bit confused though. This post isn't following the typing rules for me to know who wrote it!!! It's not in all caps or red for dad, not in blue with correct capitalization for Mary or in green for Uncle Hans.