PUNCH LINE

BETTER GET CAUGHT UP ON MY PUNCH LINE FILE.



THE PUNCH LINE
"There's a new iPhone app called MyNetDiary. It helps you lose weight. Here's how it works: You press Google Earth, and if you can spot yourself, you've eaten too much." -- late night TV host Jimmy Fallon

THE PUNCH LINE
"You charge $40 for parking, and I'm the pirate?" -- From David Letterman's "Top Ten Thoughts Going Through The Somali Pirate's Mind While In New York City"


THE PUNCH LINE
"North Carolina's Kristen Dalton won the Miss USA pageant. I guess Republicans now have a VP candidate for 2012." -- Jimmy Fallon

THE PUNCH LINE
"It's so hot, I called up the CIA and begged to be waterboarded." -- Craig Ferguson

THE PUNCH LINE
"It's (swine flu) bad in Mexico. They're not allowing anyone to go to the soccer games. They're playing them, just no fans are in the stands. Just like soccer here in the United States." -- David Letterman


THE PUNCH LINE
"President Obama said the new Supreme Court judge will be a free-thinker and a woman. I'm guessing Paula Abdul." -- Harrah's headliner Rita Rudner


THE PUNCH LINE
"Elizabeth Edwards is going to be on 'Oprah.' I wonder how many people would rather see her beat the crap out of her husband on 'Jerry Springer'?" -- Jay Leno

THE PUNCH LINE
"It's hot! Fires are raging in California. Miss California immediately put out a statement saying she's OK with flaming things as long as they don't get married." - Craig Ferguson