NCAA RANT

By Uncle Hans

Well I promised an explanation of my lack of eligibility to play football. I learned three years ago that the NCAA and the NCCAA and the NAIA all use what's called a 10 semester rule. They count the number of semesters you have attended post high school education and the limiting number is 10. It does not matter to them whether you played a sport during these 10 semesters, or not.

     You would think they would count the number of semesters or seasons that you participated in a sport?

     Well, you would be WRONG. If you count my undergraduate work. Medical school. And 5 year postgraduate residency, I have 26 semesters of advanced education. Even though I never set foot on a playing field or Court of any kind during that time, I have no eligibility because 26 is greater than 10.

     It makes no sense. What is the reasoning behind the rule? I could get no one at the NCAA to explain or justify it. And what really angers me is their inflexibility. They really feel strongly about this rule. They would not consider granting me an exception for writing a book, again, offering no explanation. It's not rocket science to see that a rule should be in place to keep athletes from competing more than four seasons in any given sport. How this ties to 10 semesters defies logic.

     Given my tendency to rant, and the fact that I will be publishing a book in mid November, I would say that the NCAA has a little over two months to get me a logical explanation..............

Uncle Hans

TOMATO EXPERIMENT

WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO GROW TOMATOES ON THE MOUNTAIN OVER THE YEARS. THE BIGGEST PROBLEM IS GETTING THE PLANTS ENOUGH SUNSHINE WITH ALL THE TREES OF THE FOREST.

FRANKLY, I WAS READY TO GIVE UP, BUT THIS YEAR MARY GOT SOME HEIRLOOM TOMATO SEEDS FROM TODD AND STARTED THE SEEDS DOWN ON DESERT IN MOHAVE VALLEY IN EARLY FEBRUARY.

GROWING ANYTHING ON THE DESERT IS TUFF. THE YOUNG PLANTS JUST DRY OUT, WITHER AND DIE IN A MATTER OF HOURS. WE DEVELOPED A SYSTEM OF PLANTING THE SEEDS IN STYROFOAM CUPS WITH A SERIES OF HOLES ALONG THE BOTTOM OF THE CUP. THE CUPS ARE THEN SET INTO A DISH PAN AND WE KEEP THE PAN FLOODED WITH SEVERAL INCHES OF WATER.

IN MAY, ON THE MOUNTAIN, WE TRANSPLANTED TWO TOMATO PLANTS PER GREEN PLASTIC POT. WE PLACED THE POTS IN THE SUNNYEST SPOT IN THE YARD. WITH ENOUGH SUN THE PLANTS TOOK OFF AND GREW INTO SIX FOOT BUSHES. EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE STARTED IN FEBUARY THE BUSHES WERE VERY SLOW TO FLOWER.

 

NOW WE HAVE A NEW SET OF PROBLEMS. THE PLASTIC GREEN POTS ARE JUST TOO UNSTABLE. THEY TAPER DOWN MAKING THE BOTTOM OF THE POT SMALLER THAN THE TOP. THE SIX FOOT BUSHES MAKE THE MESS TOP HEAVY AND THEY ARE PRONE TO FALLING OVER IN THE WIND. THE PLANT PICTURED ABOVE, AFTER BEENING SLOW TO FLOWER, HAS OVER 60 GREEN TOMATOES.

IT’S NOT A SUCCESS YET. WE HAVEN’T HAD ONE RED RIPE TOMATO, AND WE’RE NOT SURE THAT WE WILL BEFORE THE GROWING SEASON ENDS HERE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

TO SOLVE THE POT PROBLEM FOR NEXT YEAR MARY GOT TWO BARREL PLANTERS FROM A NEIGHBOR, AND THE PROJECT THIS WEEK HAS BEEN TO PAINT AND PLACE THEM IN THE YARD FOR NEXT YEARS TRY AT A TOMATO CROP.

WE HAD STAIN LEFT FROM THE FENCE PROJECT SO WE PAINTED THEM UP AND HAVE THEM LEVELED AND PLACED IN THE YARD.

THAT’S NOT A TREE TO THE RIGHT OF THE BARRELL, BUT THE FOUR TOMATO PLANTS IN THE TWO PLASTIC POTS. AS LONG AS WE HAD THE PAINT OUT I REDID THE BIRD HOUSE WITH A NEW BOTTOM AND FRESH COAT OF PAINT.

READY FOR NEXT YEAR WE HOPE.

STAY TUNED FOR A PICTURE OF RED RIPE TOMATOES, WE HOPE.

“SUNNY & 80”

First Game

By Uncle Hans

High noon on Friday and we're boarding the bus. Destination is University of Saint Mary in Leavenworth Kansas.

     The football program at Trinity is going through some hard times. We have had three coaches in the last 3 years. Our new coach has coached at Trinity before and has excellent credentials. Unfortunately he didn't come on board until sometime in February and that left very little time to recruit. I have already talked on this blog about how selective Trinity is for it's football players. The result is that we have great guys, but only about 25 of them........

Our travels went well into the night and included a hotel.  Our opponent has an enrollment almost 50 times larger than Trinity. They had more than 120 players in uniform on the field......

On the positive side, it was a beautiful day, about 80 degrees with a little breeze and a very nice facility with artificial turf. This is our warm-up........

We lost by a score of 49 to 0. The actual contest was closer than that, and our defense forced four punts, a fumble, and they turned the ball over to us on downs twice.

This is the locker room at halftime. It was frustrating for me because of my eligibility restriction. It was a long warm day. Many guys played both offense and defense. Everyone, including all the freshman, got time on the field. Except for me. In the fourth quarter we were down by a lot, the guys were tired, and everyone got called on to help.

      Except for me. Because of NCAA rules, which I will rant about sometime in this blog and at length in the book, I have no eligibility to play. It really frustrates me because I feel I would have played today and I could have helped my team by relieving a tired teammate. Even if it were just on a kickoff return or a punt, I could have contributed a little and I could have gotten on the field.

The coaches bought us all pizzas, one Pizza per player!  We got on the bus and went home. I was proud to be part of a team that played all four quarters against the odds.....   and never quit!

Uncle Hans

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Triumph Over Technology

By Uncle Hans

This is my first college paper in almost 50 years. We were assigned in a freshman religion class to attend a lecture by a visiting dignitary and report our brief impressions.  Due the next morning at 10:30.

     The first time I was a freshman this would have involved my new Smith Corona electric typewriter that I bought with my graduation money and about 30 to 40 minutes of work.

      I went into frantic mode yesterday and got the technology I needed downloaded on my phone and understood. I used my phone for this paper, and dictated it by voice on Word in 10 minutes. I used a downloaded app named Mobility printing to wirelessly send the paper to a printer in the Student Union over the internet.

Scary, but amazing!

Actually, that sort of sums up my entire experience here, so far......

Uncle Hans

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Trinity Bible College

By Uncle Hans

Well I have made it through my first two days of classes. This is probably the final hurdle in this unlikely project. Can I make it as a college freshman at age 65? I have collected five course syllabi for five courses and had a couple of lectures. As you can see, this is at Trinity Bible College in Ellendale North Dakota. I initially picked this school because it is small and it would give me the best chance at participation in the football program.

It is a beautiful small campus with trees and grass abounding. This is the student Union.........

.......... and this is the inside. There are about 220 students.

It is a Christian College and this is the smaller of two chapels. Chapel attendance is daily and mandatory........

  ........... this is the inside of the larger Chapel taken during a chapel service. It seats about 350 so the entire student body and faculty can be present. The presentation is lively and entertaining. The message is upbeat and filters out into all of the educational process throughout each day.

This is my schedule. I am a business major. I have run my own business for 35 years, so I should find out what I have been doing wrong. LOL!

        Someone asked me yesterday what it's like to be a college freshman at Trinity Bible College. While I was answering it occurred to me that I am really a freshman in the College Of Life.  We all are, if you think about it.  There are so many interesting things to learn and study.  When you quit learning, then you begin to die.

      Tomorrow at noon I get on the bus for the University of St Mary's in Leavenworth, Kansas. The game is Saturday at noon.  That should be quite a Blog.......

Uncle Hans

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Finito......Fertig.......FINISHED!

By Uncle Hans

Football camp is over! Hard to believe. It really represents the biggest hurdle to being a college football player. Like every day, there were two practices today, and it was the warmest day at 87 degrees. We have been SO blessed with reasonable and comfortable weather. I doubt I could have made it were the weather typical for North Dakota in early August, where it is usually 90 + and humid. Certainly I would have suffered a lot more.

     The next hurdle for me was truly becoming a part of the team. This proved easier than I expected, but not through any talent of mine.   I will blog on this later.

     The last hurdle is becoming a Christian student athlete. This is uncharted water for me, and we'll see how it goes. Orientation is Monday and classes start on Wednesday.

Uncle Hans

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Football Camp

By Uncle Hans

For at least a year before I left for football camp, Renee tried to get me to go to yoga class. She felt that poor flexibility would lead to injury. Her pleas fell on deaf ears......mine. So I was sort of amused when I saw yoga class on the schedule. After an hour of yoga, lead by a very stern and very ripped young man, I could see what she was trying to say.

     Flexibility at 65 is a serious problem. Yoga may be a solution, but me at yoga class is like pounding a square peg into a round hole. I am sorry, my heels do not ever touch my butt and haven't for at least 20 years. We have yoga at least twice a week, and I dread it almost as much as on-field practice. I will admit that I feel warm and relaxed at the end. Sort of like hitting yourself on the head with a brick....... it feels good when you stop.

This is the weight room. It is beautiful, but another source of dread. We do what is euphemistically called a "team lift" about twice a week as well. It is run by the same stern young man for whom I am developing a dislike. I have worked out since November 1st 2016, every day. It has been progressive and at this time consists of three sets of 50 "cheater" pull ups (not full extension) and 100 inclined push ups.  Doing the math, that's lifting 80,000 pounds in 15 minutes.

     I felt that routine would help me in the weight room. I was wrong. Somehow I can do 100 inclined push-ups and only 3 185 lb bench presses. Seems to me like that's using the same muscles. A typical team lift is five stations with different lifting activities lasting an hour. It is embarrassing because I have to reduce the weights every time I approach the bar. And I have to use smaller free weights. Hard to be almost always the poorest performer at each station............

Because it is hard to recruit talented young men to a small school in the middle of nowhere without scholarships, there has been a problem in the past in this little town with young men of "uneven" character. Let's just say they kept the police up late some nights. A concerted effort is being made now to correct this. It's one of the reasons our numbers are seriously small, but credit is due the school and the football program for selectively seeking truly Christian athletes.

      Those efforts have generated some interesting events. This picture is of a community feed for the football players as a welcome. It is put on by volunteers from town.

During camp we have mandatory church attendance as a team at the local Assemblies of God Church. Today we are doing community service by laying sod at the local golf course. Clean up after every  meal in the cafeteria is done by volunteers from the football team.  But, as a result of this careful and selective recruitment, I am with a great bunch of guys with good values.

     There are only two days of camp left, praise the Lord. If I make it through camp, the season will be easier. I am stiff and sore,

..............and I am determined to make it through camp.

Uncle Hans

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PIZZA PARTY

IF YOU’VE BEEN TO THE MOUNTAIN TO VISIT US, YOU’VE BEEN SERVED MARY’S HOMEMADE PIZZA OFF THE DEVIL’S RED EGG GRILL. YESTERDAY WE HAD FRIENDS OVER AND TRIED A COUPLE OF MARY’S NEW CREATIONS.

OF COURSE MARY MADE MY FAVORITE, SAUSAGE, MUSHROOM, ONION, EXTRA CHEESE, WITH ALFREDO SAUCE. THE FIRST NEW ONE WAS TACO PIZZA.

THE TOPPINGS INCLUDED, RE-FRIED BEANS FOR THE SAUCE, TACO MEAT, FRESH TOMATOES, GREEN ONIONS, AND CORN CHIPS. I’M NOT A FAN OF TACOS SO SOMEBODY ELSE WILL HAVE TO PASS JUDGEMENT ON THIS ONE.

THE SECOND NEW RECIPE WAS A BACON CHEESEBURGER PIZZA.

THIS ONE HAD KETCHUP FOR A SAUCE, TOPPED WITH CHEDDAR CHEESE, HAMBURGER, ONIONS, MUSTARD, AND DILL PICKLES.

THE WEATHER WAS A PERFECT “SUNNY & 80” WITH NO WIND AND WE ENJOYED OUR PIZZA PARTY VERY MUCH. LET US KNOW WHEN YOU’RE COMING OVER TO TRY MARY’S HOMEMADE PIZZA.

Full Pads & Helmets

By Uncle Hans

I am done with the first week of football camp and that's halfway. This is my locker. We went to full pads and helmet on Thursday. There are only 27 players so everyone has to learn both the offense and the defense. For a rookie football illiterate like myself it is overwhelming. The guys are very patient and quick to help me out.

I am still the worst player in virtually every category. Kind of discouraging. I am very handicapped by being unable to catch the ball. I have very small hands and a surgeon's instinct to keep my hands out of danger. On Wednesday I dropped three in a row so when the 4th came in I made a serious effort to catch it with my body. It turned out to be a Bullet Pass, but I did catch it. This was my arm Wednesday evening.

Here it is on Friday morning. It looks worse than it feels. Today it's already fading. I am slowly improving. My anterior thighs are the only real sore spot and this morning they felt pretty good.

I am on the taxi Squad which means when the starting offense is at work I stand in the different defense positions to allow them to learn their assignments. When the starting defense is working I stand in the different offense positions for the same reason. Having so few players is a blessing for me because I am actually useful to the coaches and the team.

These are my work clothes. Renee said I look serious. Black for us is the color of Defense and I have been leaning towards outside linebacker.

The defense uses a lot of single safety formations and my attempt at cornerback only proved that I was too slow for that work. Without a safety behind me I can't keep up with a wide receiver. In the jargon of the game, outside linebacker is called a dawg.

     The group is together for the better part of 14 hours a day starting with breakfast at 7:15 a.m. and often ending with a snack and devotional after 9 p.m. There are lectures, some inspirational talks, and two, two hour practices on the field. The guys are very supportive, I participate in every drill, they don't laugh when I do poorly, and they congratulate me when I occasionally do something right.

     My goal when I came here for practice was:

I want to be ON the field but not IN the way

Because of the shortage of players and the fact that they actually need me, and the fact that they all gently teach me, I am achieving that goal.

I love it, but the actual hitting has just started today and that's my last remaining hurdle.

Uncle Hans

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BUS STOP

WE RETURNED TO PRESCOTT, AZ AFTER OUR FIRST VISIT LAST SPRING.

WE BOUGHT TICKETS TO THE OLD BROADWAY PLAY “BUS STOP” ON THE INTERNET. WE STAYED ON THE SQUARE DOWNTOWN AT HOTEL ST. MICHEAL WHICH IS ON THE END OF WHISKEY ROW.

THE PLAY IS WAY OFF BROADWAY THESE DAYS, IN FACT THE THEATER WAS IN AN ALLY IN PRESCOTT.

THE AUDIENCE WAS SMALL, ONLY ABOUT 40 SEATS AND YOU FELT LIKE YOU WERE RIGHT ON STAGE IN THE PLAY.

WE BOTH ENJOYED THE PLAY AND THE ROADTRIP FROM SHOW LOW TO PRESCOTT, IT COVERS SOME BEAUTIFUL TERRITORY IN ARIZONA, INCLUDING PINE, AND THE VERDE VALLEY. OF COURSE IT DIDN’T HURT THAT PRESCOTT HAS A TRADER JOES.

First Practice

By Uncle Hans

I have been thinking for 35 years about what I would feel like when I walked off the practice field for the first time. Today it happened and what a feeling!

     The day started with meetings and lectures but rather quickly moved to the weight room. I could squat and bench press 195# two or three times, which is far below the average. One safety man one wide receiver and the punter were at about the level I am.

      We proceeded outside for about 2 hours. We ran a bunch of agility and speed drills, some of which were timed. I did okay, finishing ahead of several linemen. The end of the session was something the coach calls the 700 Club. It's 14 25 yard dashs with 180 degree direction change between each one. 2 minutes of rest. And do the whole thing again. Against the clock. I got a minute and 51 seconds for the first half. That time put me ahead of a couple lineman again.

     Then we broke for lunch......

........ the afternoon was more teaching, particularly offensive formations and their names. I will be playing defense and don't have a clue about football so they were lecturing in Greek. Then we went back outside for another 2 hours but it was much easier. They worked on offensive formations and ran some plays. They stuck me in the middle linebacker position. There was no hitting or minimal hitting. This drill operates without a defensive secondary. The team is very small only 26 of us. Therefore many players will be playing both offense and defense. We then switch to running these plays without a defense so those players could switch in. At this point I found myself just watching.

     At dinner last night I found myself sitting next to the punter. After telling him about working with Jake when he was a punter in high school, he invited me to come and work with him. Rather than stand around and watch at this point, I went over and basically shagged balls and kicked them back to him.  Like I did many years ago with Jake in the front yard on Spooner Lake.

...... basically the day went a little better then I had hoped. I heard guys complaining at dinner about sore muscles and joints. Right now I feel about the same as after a really high level night of volleyball in Cumberland. I'm generally sore all over but have no hot spots. Let's see if I can get out of bed in the morning. This afternoon was with helmets. Full gear comes probably next week.

     I am off and running. Stay tuned......

Uncle Hans

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Housing

By Uncle Hans

Just pulled in to football camp. On the way my phone rang with an offer for a movie to be made out of the book. How exciting!

     The movie people don't like the title.  "How to Play College Football at 65" is boring. They want to call it:

          COUSIN EDDIE GOES TO COLLEGE

( you know I'm just kidding.........)

Got Camp all set up.....

Never actually set up before in an RV park. I hope I got the right things hooked up to the right things?

Snug as a bug in a rug.......

......... but can I make it 90 days?

I gotta make it or there's no book.

This last detail is pure MacGyver. Black hose is stretchy like a slinky and kept pulling out of the hole. So I took a tie down to it. It's the kind of thing a college kid would come up with.

Well, I have to go to registration. Full practices start tomorrow. More later.......

Uncle Hans

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THE BOOK, BY UNCLE HANS

JUST TO REVIEW, “UNCLE HANS” IS REALLY MY BROTHER, JUST THREE YEARS YOUNGER. WE REFER TO HIM AS “UNCLE” AS A TERM OF RESPECT. SURE WE COULD CALL HIM “DOCTOR HANS” , BUT REALLY USING THE TERM “UNCLE” IS AN OLD FAMILY TRADITION FROM THE DEVIL’S LAKE CAMPING DAYS OF OUR YOUTH.

IN 1982, YES 35 YEARS AGO, UNCLE HANS HAD AN IDEA FOR A BOOK. THE TITLE OF THIS BOOK IS:

HOW TO PLAY FOOTBALL AT 65

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?

WHERE IS THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH?

WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?

WHO HAS BEEN QUIETLY ENJOYING THE SIMPLE SOLUTION TO AMERICA’S HEALTHCARE MESS FOR OVER 50 YEARS?

UNCLE HANS BEGAN THE WRITING OF THIS BOOK MANY YEARS AGO, AND THE BOOK IS SETUP SO THAT EVERY OTHER CHAPTER IS ABOUT PLAYING COLLEGE FOOTBALL.  THE ODD CHAPTERS ARE ABOUT THE  FOOTBALL EXPERIENCE AND THE EVEN CHAPTERS ARE A SELF-HELP, LIFESTYLE PHILOSOPHY THAT MIGHT KEEP YOU HEALTHY ENOUGH TO DO YOUR BUCKET LIST AFTER YOU RETIRE, EVEN IF THAT IS TO PLAY COLLEGE FOOTBALL. THE BOOK HAS BEEN HALF DONE FOR MANY YEARS, AND NOW COMES THE WRITING OF THE FOOTBALL CHAPTERS.

UNCLE HANS PLANS ON KEEPING HIS INTERCIRCLE OF LOYAL SUPPORTERS, THE PEOPLE HE SHARED THIS WITH THAT DIDN’T LAUGH OUT LOUD TO HIS FACE, WITH A SERIES OF E-MAIL REPORTS AS HE REPORTS TO FOOTBALL CAMP BEGINNING ON AUGUST 7TH. HE HAS GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO POST THESE REPORTS ON THE HAPPY CAMPERS BLOG.

IT’S OK TO LAUGH, MANY HAVE, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND IT WILL BE EXCELLENT READING AS A 65 YEAR OLD DOCTOR RETURNS TO THE COLLEGE LIFE AND GOES OUT FOR FOOTBALL. I KNOW YOU ALL SHARE OUR CONCERNS FOR HIS NOT GETTING HURT, AND WANT TO KNOW:

HOW TO PLAY FOOTBALL AT 65

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?

WHERE IS THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH?

WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?

WHO HAS BEEN QUIETLY ENJOYING THE SIMPLE SOLUTION TO AMERICA’S HEALTHCAR MESS FOR OVER 50 YEARS?

THE FIRST REPORT ON HOUSING WILL APPREAR TOMORROW, SO TUNE IN.

First actual practice   August 8th

First game      August 26

Last game   November 4th

Book goes live on Kindle   Approx. November 15th

UPDATE

MARY BOUGHT A NEW PLANT FOR HER YARD.IT’S CALLED A BALOON PLANT AS THE FLOWERS RESEMBLE MINATURE HOT AIR BALOONS BEFORE THEY OPEN. IT’S A PERENNIAL SO HOPEFULLY IT WILL SURVIVE THE WINTER AND BLOOM FOR MANY SUMMERS TO COME.

UPDATE ON HER TOMATOES:

  “SUNNY & 80”